On my way home this time. It's a bit vertigo, I'm taking a vacation and it's carrying me home. Things change, don't they? And I keep seeing people that remind
me of people. That's the funny thing about airports. So many people, stuck in an inbetween state, inside their own heads. Other people are a curious phenomena to be observed. I love airports, I love flying, I love to travel. I love traveling by myself. And my mom and my dad and my brothers and my sisters are on the other side. That's almost funny, in a missing-the-last-stair kind of way, not a haha kind of way. I've been away for a while now. But I'm so far beyond excited. Half an hour til my flight, then a two hour layover in Birmingham. This might be a long day.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Am I Ready?
So this might be marginally unfair, to post this here now, after so long without posting. The last three months, going on four, have been a bit up-and-down, and I haven't been able to be on here often, but I just feel like I need to talk, to say something before I say yes and everything is locked in.
They've offerred me a job. Staff position with the Mission. Rest-of-my-life, if I want it. Which I might not. But it's gonna allow me to start my schooling, and it's not going to delay anything else I desire. I'll be a permanent fixture with a ministry I love, I'll still get to pursue the other things I want, I have a support system in place, my room and board are still covered. It makes all the sense in the world. And, what's more, I want it. And, still more, I think it's right. And I'm going to say yes.
They've offerred me a job. Staff position with the Mission. Rest-of-my-life, if I want it. Which I might not. But it's gonna allow me to start my schooling, and it's not going to delay anything else I desire. I'll be a permanent fixture with a ministry I love, I'll still get to pursue the other things I want, I have a support system in place, my room and board are still covered. It makes all the sense in the world. And, what's more, I want it. And, still more, I think it's right. And I'm going to say yes.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
I don't really have time for this...
...because technically there are people here. So technically I'm supposed to be on. Technically I'm supposed to to be introducing myself and getting names and generally being that missionary chick. However, in actuality, I'm blogging and listening to the Lumineers. Funny, all the people in my life, from my family in Virginia to my friends in Texas, are falling in love with this band at the same time. Leads one to believe I'd probably love them too, if I had the time and the internet access to learn more songs than the one they play on the radio. But, for the record, I really, really, really, really like Ho Hey. Because of reasons.
Finally got to read The Fault in Our Stars, couple of friends pitched in and got it for me for my birthday. If you haven't read it yet, all I can say is that you utterly have to. It doesn't get better than John Green, and I'm of the opinion it's his best yet.
Erm, what else is there? Oh! Wreck-It Ralph. Seen it twice since it came out on dvd, and I neither am nor do I live with the one of us who actually paid money to buy it, which probably says something about how much I like this movie. Pixar's best in a while, in my opinion. But, settle an argument for me: was Hero's Duty supposed to be based on Halo? 'Cause I totally think it was supposed to be based on Halo. Definitely.
And, while I can't think of anything outside of that, I have successfully created a media post. O.o
Finally got to read The Fault in Our Stars, couple of friends pitched in and got it for me for my birthday. If you haven't read it yet, all I can say is that you utterly have to. It doesn't get better than John Green, and I'm of the opinion it's his best yet.
Erm, what else is there? Oh! Wreck-It Ralph. Seen it twice since it came out on dvd, and I neither am nor do I live with the one of us who actually paid money to buy it, which probably says something about how much I like this movie. Pixar's best in a while, in my opinion. But, settle an argument for me: was Hero's Duty supposed to be based on Halo? 'Cause I totally think it was supposed to be based on Halo. Definitely.
And, while I can't think of anything outside of that, I have successfully created a media post. O.o
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Part of the reason I don't update anything more often is that there is very little to update on. Things don't change much, from day to day. The other part is that I don't often have internet access. The third and final is that, as my readers will know, when I've gone a long time without blogging, I tend to go a longer time without blogging, because I don't feel like doing a "catch-up post." But, to the best of my abilities, a catch-up post is what I'm going to write.
I am at The Mission. I am at The Mission seven days a week. The Mission is basically the entirety of my existence, and nothing that happens to me is unrelated to The Mission. Even after Mission hours, the only people I spend time with are Mission people, partly by default, but also partly because they are my Friends. Which is weird.
There are, essentially, two facets to my existence at The Mission: the work/ministry facet, which is the entirety of my purpose in being here, and the people-I-spend-time-with facet, which can, at times, be a textbook case of distracting. It's such an emotionally draining situation, being here and the kind of work we do, and you come to rely on the people around you more than you would in normal life. Partially because we have to have people close around us in order to cope with the emotional demands on us every day of our lives. We have to have people to vent to, recharge from, trust with everything, go to for an understanding ear, feed off of, lean on when we're exhausted. This is especially true for those of us who are under twenty-five, because we're all coping with the strain of being away from our families as well. So, those of us who are under twenty-five spend a lot of time together, after office hours. We're, almost by necessity, very close-knit, very emotionally open with each other, very transparent. There are times when, I think, we do things on a weeknight just because none of us can bear the thought of going home and being alone, not when we could be talking and laughing and all making each other feel stronger and better and more human. This is good. This is human fellowship the way it's supposed to be. But that doesn't mean it's always easy, or the kindest thing for our hearts. And I know that, for my own part, I can get caught up in the in's and out's of a social dynamic quicker than a heartbeat, learn it inside out. And I'm so, so blessed that they count me as one of them. Life would be unbearable if I felt out of place around them all, but I don't, and if you know me, you know that that is absolute insanity after just a month. I'm the most socially awkward human being alive, and for me to be as completely comfortable and welcome as I am around these people really does speak volumes about the situation. It's bizarre, is what it is. It's funny, I pictured myself coming here and stepping into a vacuum, a holy-ground kind of pilgrimage that would be a one-way ticket to feeling closer to God and figuring out what He wants me to do with my life. What's scary is how quickly this has become normal life, how quickly this has started to feel like it's what I've always done and like my day-to-day existence. And it's so hard to be the intentional, seeking person I want to be in the middle of a day-to-day existence.
The work/ministry facet is, well, just that. It's the missions work I'm here to do. And it also can divide into two sub-headings. The Front Room, and Bible Study. The Front Room is where people come in from the highways and byways for assistance from The Mission with everything from food to obtaining birth certificates. I spend much of my time there. Lots of paperwork, lots of names and dates of birth and how-can-we-help-you-today and can-I-pray-with-you-before-you-go. Lots of life's stories and sometimes some tears and kleenex and sometimes bruised pride and embarrassment and sometimes an entitlement complex and sometimes only anger.
Bible Study is Bible Study. Mondays and Wednesdays I do "afterschool" program at one apartment complex, with an ever-changing group of people loosely referred to as my "team," and really only one steady person loosely and by a small number of people referred to as my partner. Afterschool program refers to snacks and homework help and if you're lucky a Bible lesson and I just really, really love my kids. Tuesdays and Thursdays I do the same thing at a different place, with rather a more background role, which is a welcome break. Wednesday nights I go to a "proper church" and teach a class of elementary school kids with whom I've been behind the eight-ball from the beginning because I'm their third new teacher this school year, and mostly what I meet with is resistance and anger, and if things are getting better, they're getting better slowly, but I'm almost defiant in how much I want to get through to them and make a difference in their lives. Sunday mornings I go to the same place and do whatever needs doing. I've been everywhere from the youth group to the nursery, not sure that could get much wider/ Saturdays are too complicated to exist right now, but I'll keep you updated.
So, line-up: Mondays-Thursdays, front room until it's time for afterschool. Wednesday night Bible Study. Fridays, front room until it closes at five, then pretending to know what I'm doing in the Abyss referred to as The Bins (where donation-sorting happens, because, as I say a thousand and one times a day, "we're run entirely off of private donations. If it exists, we've probably had it at some point, it's just a matter of if we have it right now.), until The Mission closes at seven. Saturdays, too complicated to exist (this month, taking a busload of My Kids to go and play basketball, in the future, Bible Study at another property). Sundays, church in the morning, lend an extra pair of hands at another Bible study with some friends, Mission-wide worship service with all the volunteers and staff and missionaries, Bins until seven. Mondays run it back and start it all over again.
And, it's all-encompassing. It's all I have time for, it's all I have space on my emotional hard drive for. This is the kind of place where people blink. You know what I mean, right? You blink, and all of a sudden twenty years have passed? Yeah. It's the daily schedule, it's the next special event, it's planning for Vacation Bible School, and it's so easy to get caught up in. I'm scaring myself, really. It'll be in the middle of the most casual conversation, and I'll catch myself making a comment that makes it sound like I'm planning to be here forever. Me and a friend were talking about how much harder middle school is than elementary, and I mentioned how much I'm not looking forward to when two of my girls, both of whom are only in fourth grade, get to middle school. I'm Not Going to Be Here when these girls get to middle school. No, really. Then I was talking to another friend, one who's currently in the process of moving, about how good moving is for cleaning out and throwing away stuff, and I said, "we should just all switch houses every few years." We, being the operative word there. Not you guys, not y'all. We. Not gonna be here. Very much not gonna be here a few years from now. And yet these things keep slipping out of my mouth.
What I actually need to do is figure out what I'm doing when I'm done here. Like, actually actively, have-a-concrete-plan figure it out. Because otherwise...well, I guess I'm not going to finish that thought. Otherwise, I don't know what's going to happen.
I am at The Mission. I am at The Mission seven days a week. The Mission is basically the entirety of my existence, and nothing that happens to me is unrelated to The Mission. Even after Mission hours, the only people I spend time with are Mission people, partly by default, but also partly because they are my Friends. Which is weird.
There are, essentially, two facets to my existence at The Mission: the work/ministry facet, which is the entirety of my purpose in being here, and the people-I-spend-time-with facet, which can, at times, be a textbook case of distracting. It's such an emotionally draining situation, being here and the kind of work we do, and you come to rely on the people around you more than you would in normal life. Partially because we have to have people close around us in order to cope with the emotional demands on us every day of our lives. We have to have people to vent to, recharge from, trust with everything, go to for an understanding ear, feed off of, lean on when we're exhausted. This is especially true for those of us who are under twenty-five, because we're all coping with the strain of being away from our families as well. So, those of us who are under twenty-five spend a lot of time together, after office hours. We're, almost by necessity, very close-knit, very emotionally open with each other, very transparent. There are times when, I think, we do things on a weeknight just because none of us can bear the thought of going home and being alone, not when we could be talking and laughing and all making each other feel stronger and better and more human. This is good. This is human fellowship the way it's supposed to be. But that doesn't mean it's always easy, or the kindest thing for our hearts. And I know that, for my own part, I can get caught up in the in's and out's of a social dynamic quicker than a heartbeat, learn it inside out. And I'm so, so blessed that they count me as one of them. Life would be unbearable if I felt out of place around them all, but I don't, and if you know me, you know that that is absolute insanity after just a month. I'm the most socially awkward human being alive, and for me to be as completely comfortable and welcome as I am around these people really does speak volumes about the situation. It's bizarre, is what it is. It's funny, I pictured myself coming here and stepping into a vacuum, a holy-ground kind of pilgrimage that would be a one-way ticket to feeling closer to God and figuring out what He wants me to do with my life. What's scary is how quickly this has become normal life, how quickly this has started to feel like it's what I've always done and like my day-to-day existence. And it's so hard to be the intentional, seeking person I want to be in the middle of a day-to-day existence.
The work/ministry facet is, well, just that. It's the missions work I'm here to do. And it also can divide into two sub-headings. The Front Room, and Bible Study. The Front Room is where people come in from the highways and byways for assistance from The Mission with everything from food to obtaining birth certificates. I spend much of my time there. Lots of paperwork, lots of names and dates of birth and how-can-we-help-you-today and can-I-pray-with-you-before-you-go. Lots of life's stories and sometimes some tears and kleenex and sometimes bruised pride and embarrassment and sometimes an entitlement complex and sometimes only anger.
Bible Study is Bible Study. Mondays and Wednesdays I do "afterschool" program at one apartment complex, with an ever-changing group of people loosely referred to as my "team," and really only one steady person loosely and by a small number of people referred to as my partner. Afterschool program refers to snacks and homework help and if you're lucky a Bible lesson and I just really, really love my kids. Tuesdays and Thursdays I do the same thing at a different place, with rather a more background role, which is a welcome break. Wednesday nights I go to a "proper church" and teach a class of elementary school kids with whom I've been behind the eight-ball from the beginning because I'm their third new teacher this school year, and mostly what I meet with is resistance and anger, and if things are getting better, they're getting better slowly, but I'm almost defiant in how much I want to get through to them and make a difference in their lives. Sunday mornings I go to the same place and do whatever needs doing. I've been everywhere from the youth group to the nursery, not sure that could get much wider/ Saturdays are too complicated to exist right now, but I'll keep you updated.
So, line-up: Mondays-Thursdays, front room until it's time for afterschool. Wednesday night Bible Study. Fridays, front room until it closes at five, then pretending to know what I'm doing in the Abyss referred to as The Bins (where donation-sorting happens, because, as I say a thousand and one times a day, "we're run entirely off of private donations. If it exists, we've probably had it at some point, it's just a matter of if we have it right now.), until The Mission closes at seven. Saturdays, too complicated to exist (this month, taking a busload of My Kids to go and play basketball, in the future, Bible Study at another property). Sundays, church in the morning, lend an extra pair of hands at another Bible study with some friends, Mission-wide worship service with all the volunteers and staff and missionaries, Bins until seven. Mondays run it back and start it all over again.
And, it's all-encompassing. It's all I have time for, it's all I have space on my emotional hard drive for. This is the kind of place where people blink. You know what I mean, right? You blink, and all of a sudden twenty years have passed? Yeah. It's the daily schedule, it's the next special event, it's planning for Vacation Bible School, and it's so easy to get caught up in. I'm scaring myself, really. It'll be in the middle of the most casual conversation, and I'll catch myself making a comment that makes it sound like I'm planning to be here forever. Me and a friend were talking about how much harder middle school is than elementary, and I mentioned how much I'm not looking forward to when two of my girls, both of whom are only in fourth grade, get to middle school. I'm Not Going to Be Here when these girls get to middle school. No, really. Then I was talking to another friend, one who's currently in the process of moving, about how good moving is for cleaning out and throwing away stuff, and I said, "we should just all switch houses every few years." We, being the operative word there. Not you guys, not y'all. We. Not gonna be here. Very much not gonna be here a few years from now. And yet these things keep slipping out of my mouth.
What I actually need to do is figure out what I'm doing when I'm done here. Like, actually actively, have-a-concrete-plan figure it out. Because otherwise...well, I guess I'm not going to finish that thought. Otherwise, I don't know what's going to happen.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
My brain hurts and my life is complicated.
And I never know what's actually going on.
But I am sitting in a Starbucks with a cup of over-brewed, lukewarm earl grey and have my laptop and I feel very hipster, so I'm blogging.
But I don't actually feel like blogging.
One of those it-would-require-being-way-too-self-aware-for-my-current-psychological-state things.
I miss my mom and my dad and my brothers and my sister and my best friend a lot more than I'm capable of saying.
And I'm having a really amazing time, most of the time. I have people I'm not related to and haven't known my entire life that are under no obligation to like me and yet still elect to hang out with me. Some of them are male. We spend time as a group. This is weird.
I love people. I love talking to people and meeting people and loving people. I love kids.
But I don't have a solid plan. Ever. And I go places when people tell me to go places, which is sometimes unfun.
This is all the time I have right now. The inside of my head is complicated.
Goodbye.
And I never know what's actually going on.
But I am sitting in a Starbucks with a cup of over-brewed, lukewarm earl grey and have my laptop and I feel very hipster, so I'm blogging.
But I don't actually feel like blogging.
One of those it-would-require-being-way-too-self-aware-for-my-current-psychological-state things.
I miss my mom and my dad and my brothers and my sister and my best friend a lot more than I'm capable of saying.
And I'm having a really amazing time, most of the time. I have people I'm not related to and haven't known my entire life that are under no obligation to like me and yet still elect to hang out with me. Some of them are male. We spend time as a group. This is weird.
I love people. I love talking to people and meeting people and loving people. I love kids.
But I don't have a solid plan. Ever. And I go places when people tell me to go places, which is sometimes unfun.
This is all the time I have right now. The inside of my head is complicated.
Goodbye.
Monday, January 7, 2013
excited and also terrified
because I'm leaving home tomorrow. And I'm trying to take a break from my to-do list to feel things, because nothing is going to be real unless I've felt it. So I'm over-the-moon excited, because I'm going to be meeting new people and doing things. Serving God. And I'm excited because I get to go on an adventure, with only God for company. And I'm excited because I get to, I hope, do a little bit of self-reinventing. I say I hope, because somehow I always get into a new situation and just wind up being the same person, but that might just be because I am me, no matter what. What I do want to be is taken seriously. I want to be able to have equal-level conversations and express my thoughts and my opinions and do more than smile and nod and laugh. I want to be more confident. And I want to be, well, I do want to be nice, because I'm naturally a nice person; this world could use a little more general decency and friendliness. But I don't want to be the sort of person that adults whom I would like to treat me as an adult can write off with a high-five and a "You're so polite." Because I'm more than just polite. Actually, I can be very un-polite, very mean and very cynical and very biting when the situation allows for it. It's not something I'm proud of. Mostly, I want to be a person. Not a bad goal, I guess. That word, person, means more to me than the dictionary definition. It's hard to explain.
Also, I'm really, really, really going to miss my sister. And brothers. And Mom and Dad. This is going to be hard.
On a lighter note, my Airplane Entertainment (since this always reverts to an entertainment blog sooner or later) consists of multiple things. Writing or Journaling, supposedly. I always fail at that part. Working on getting through my current Charles Dickens project, Hard Times (which I should probably add to my Classics Club list, as if it needed more Dickens). What'll be playing on my iPod (on my new earbuds, those pretty Macbeth ones? They actually work really great) is likely a combination of the obligatory Athlete-Mumford and Sons-Snow Patrol stuff, along with some new (well, new to me) Fleet Foxes, and fueling my newfound love of The Beatles. Yes, I'm a little late to the party. But I actually do love them, they make me happy; it's not something I'm doing because it's cool. (For more information on my music-liking psychosis, see this post).
But now I need to go set up a Skype account and blog on other websites and spend iTunes cards. Hopefully, I'll be back before long.
Also, I'm really, really, really going to miss my sister. And brothers. And Mom and Dad. This is going to be hard.
On a lighter note, my Airplane Entertainment (since this always reverts to an entertainment blog sooner or later) consists of multiple things. Writing or Journaling, supposedly. I always fail at that part. Working on getting through my current Charles Dickens project, Hard Times (which I should probably add to my Classics Club list, as if it needed more Dickens). What'll be playing on my iPod (on my new earbuds, those pretty Macbeth ones? They actually work really great) is likely a combination of the obligatory Athlete-Mumford and Sons-Snow Patrol stuff, along with some new (well, new to me) Fleet Foxes, and fueling my newfound love of The Beatles. Yes, I'm a little late to the party. But I actually do love them, they make me happy; it's not something I'm doing because it's cool. (For more information on my music-liking psychosis, see this post).
But now I need to go set up a Skype account and blog on other websites and spend iTunes cards. Hopefully, I'll be back before long.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
On People Younger Than Myself Starting To Encounter the World the Way It Is
Please, world, just be perfect and safe and clean and bright and without ugliness or dirtiness or things that sit on consciences like sugar and caffeine on a sleepless, empty stomach, for my little siblings. For the sake of my brothers and sister, who I'd like to be able to run barefoot in all places without being afraid of stepping on sharp things that will hurt them and make them bleed or germy things that will make them sick or dirty things that will make them feel dirty. Who I'd like to be able to feel always perfect and safe and clean and bright and without ugliness or dirtiness or heavy, sick, unsettled consciences.
The world doesn't work like that, does it? There are germs and sharp things and dirty things, there have always been germs and sharp things and dirty things, and there will always be germs and sharp things and dirty things. So God? If You won't take away the germs, give them, give us, give us all stronger immune systems, stronger defenses. Protect soles and souls like callouses, but keep them soft as infants'. Make us always brave and bright and innocent, even in the face of the scary and the dark and the dirty and the ugly. Don't ever let us be afraid of the ugliness, or of ourselves. Do not let the world weigh too heavy with us. Let us wear Your forgiveness and Your holiness like armor, like skin, like favorite clothes that make us feel strong. But more than anything, God? Stay with us. In Your strength and Your gentleness, like the sunshine, never let us feel alone. Teach us to guard our hearts and minds, and to live in this world without being of it. Let us pass through mud and mire and emerge unsullied.
"Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:19-25
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
The story of King David, which is the story of Jesus Christ, which is the story of the salvation of all humanity, begins with the story of Samuel; and the story of Samuel begins with the story of one unhappy, unlucky person named Hannah, who prayed to the Lord for her dearest desire; and, when she finally got it, gave it up out of gratitude for the God who heard her heart's wordless cry.
God? I'm just sayin'.
God? I'm just sayin'.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
December 25, 2012
Stayed up later than I have in Quite Some Time, finishing one last present. Slept in my clothes like a little kid. Headache like somebody's driving a stake between my temples.
Happy Christmas, my dears; and I hope everyone has a marvelous, blessed, happy, and issue-free day.
More to follow.
Happy Christmas, my dears; and I hope everyone has a marvelous, blessed, happy, and issue-free day.
More to follow.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
An Unexpected Journey
Note: This is not a play on words, for once, I am actually talking about the Hobbit.
Firstly, I've discovered that I never want to go to another movie I actually care about at any showing BESIDES the midnight premier. Ever again. Because for years, I've been damaging my blood pressure over the fact that people sit stoically and unaffected in a theater, mindlessly consuming a masterpiece as if it was the world's job to entertain them, and leave without so much as putting their hands together a few times in honor of cast, writer, director, producer, or whatever a 'best boy' is. These people spent years of their lives and long, agonizing, sleepless nights into making the movie you just spent two hours watching, the least you could do is clap, right? (Can you tell I've got a pet peeve?). The midnight premier, however, is an entirely different story. People, like, care. Not only did they clap AFTER the movie, they clapped when the lights went down and the commercials started. They clapped at the opening credits. And they clapped, lo and behold, during the movie too. And cheered. And hooted. And so on. Whenever there was a particularly great scene. So, no more. If I don't make it opening night, I might just wait for the DVD from now on.
On the topic of the movie itself, I was completely blown away. It's difficult to find anything else to say. Peter Jackson and the lot have done it again, as far as I'm concerned. It was well imagined, well cast, and so on. Visually, it lived up to the expectations of viewers looking for the same level of excellence as the previous films. The writing was tight, picking up and cutting off (oh, that cliff hanger) at exactly the right points. The first film fills the role of setting the scene for the trilogy. Major characters, major conflict, enough character development to get things rolling. For readers of the book, it left off just before one would expect the introduction of Beorn (Mikael Persbrandt). I'm a little befuddled, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, over the decision to make three movies of one book. With that kind of pacing, The Lord of the Rings series could've taken up about ten movies (maybe then Tom Bombadil would've been welcome. Yes, I'm still sore about that.). I've heard it said that they wanted to give themselves the space to work artistically. Whether it was that or money, I guess, depends on how good the other two turn out.
As an old (and third-generation) fan of Tolkein's works, and having read The Hobbit three times, I'd say it made the cut as far as faithfulness to the original. There were deviations from the original, but they were nice deviations. Sylvester McCoy's Radagast the Brown (nipped from Fellowship of the Ring, unless I'm mistaken) had heart and humor (though that might just be my love of hedgehogs talking). It's hard to say, after the first movie of a trilogy, whether the addition of Azog the white orc and the Necromancer was a good decision in the long run, but it was an understandable one, at least. It was a simple book, a kids' book. And as much as I would've loved to see this movie be simple and kid-friendly (and maybe with something less than a PG-13 rating), in order to be on caliber with the first three movies, it needed more conflict.
And there was some of the innocence and simplicity of the book, at least in comparison with the Lord of the Rings movie. A brighter, fresher color scheme, a lighter musical score, and altogether more light; plus everybody looked younger. Not sure how they managed it, when it's been ten years since Fellowship, but all the returning characters looked believably younger. Even Gollum (Andy Serkis) was a lighter, more likable character, as evidenced by the scattered bouts of laughter during the Riddles in the Dark scene, which may or may not've been the best part of the entire movie; and Ian McKellan returning as Gandalf made it all worth while.
Firstly, I've discovered that I never want to go to another movie I actually care about at any showing BESIDES the midnight premier. Ever again. Because for years, I've been damaging my blood pressure over the fact that people sit stoically and unaffected in a theater, mindlessly consuming a masterpiece as if it was the world's job to entertain them, and leave without so much as putting their hands together a few times in honor of cast, writer, director, producer, or whatever a 'best boy' is. These people spent years of their lives and long, agonizing, sleepless nights into making the movie you just spent two hours watching, the least you could do is clap, right? (Can you tell I've got a pet peeve?). The midnight premier, however, is an entirely different story. People, like, care. Not only did they clap AFTER the movie, they clapped when the lights went down and the commercials started. They clapped at the opening credits. And they clapped, lo and behold, during the movie too. And cheered. And hooted. And so on. Whenever there was a particularly great scene. So, no more. If I don't make it opening night, I might just wait for the DVD from now on.
On the topic of the movie itself, I was completely blown away. It's difficult to find anything else to say. Peter Jackson and the lot have done it again, as far as I'm concerned. It was well imagined, well cast, and so on. Visually, it lived up to the expectations of viewers looking for the same level of excellence as the previous films. The writing was tight, picking up and cutting off (oh, that cliff hanger) at exactly the right points. The first film fills the role of setting the scene for the trilogy. Major characters, major conflict, enough character development to get things rolling. For readers of the book, it left off just before one would expect the introduction of Beorn (Mikael Persbrandt). I'm a little befuddled, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, over the decision to make three movies of one book. With that kind of pacing, The Lord of the Rings series could've taken up about ten movies (maybe then Tom Bombadil would've been welcome. Yes, I'm still sore about that.). I've heard it said that they wanted to give themselves the space to work artistically. Whether it was that or money, I guess, depends on how good the other two turn out.
 |
| "brighter, fresher color" |
And there was some of the innocence and simplicity of the book, at least in comparison with the Lord of the Rings movie. A brighter, fresher color scheme, a lighter musical score, and altogether more light; plus everybody looked younger. Not sure how they managed it, when it's been ten years since Fellowship, but all the returning characters looked believably younger. Even Gollum (Andy Serkis) was a lighter, more likable character, as evidenced by the scattered bouts of laughter during the Riddles in the Dark scene, which may or may not've been the best part of the entire movie; and Ian McKellan returning as Gandalf made it all worth while.
As for dwarves, there were an awful lot of them. Far too many for each one to get a memorable character. There were moments when one would show up in a scene, and my thought was, "Alright, now they're just making this up, 'cause I know he wasn't there before." As for the ones that did get developed, you've got Thorin. Thorin has to be taller than the lot, and more intense. I'm not sold on Richard Armitage's performance yet (maybe I just need to watch it again), because in my mind, he was less tall and intense, more eye-candy and irritable. On the topic of eye candy, one wonders if he and Kili (Aiden Turner) exist to satisfy the Aragorn-and-Legolas corner of the market. Then you've got Bombur, who's usually stuffing something in his mouth. When he's not breaking furniture. It's okay, though. They've got two more movies to work on Dwarves. And then there's Bofur. Bofur, top, third-from-the-left, pretty blue eyes, funny hat, big smile. Just in that picture, he stands out, doesn't he? He stood out in the movie, too, just about stole the show. He was a little more down-to-earth, a little more complex. He had a scene, one-on-one with Bilbo, that I won't go into detail on for the sake of spoilers, but it was a spectacular performance. My favorite dwarf, hands down, and maybe my favorite character. And I swear to you, I didn't notice for a second that it was James Nesbitt. If I'd ever known he was in the movie, which I'm sure I must've, I'd forgotten it entirely, and I didn't notice it. I loved him in the dual title role of Steven Moffet's Jekyll miniseries. Jekyll stole your heart and Hyde was utterly despicable. It's got to say something about his acting (or maybe just the make-up department) that I've loved his work before, but didn't recognize him.
When I say he almost stole the show, I do only mean almost. Because it was almost impossible to watch anybody else when Bilbo was on the screen. And not in the way of the gaggle of girls who sat in front of us (and I quote, "I don't even really want to see this movie. I'm just here for Martin Freeman." Further eavesdropping confirmed that they were Sherlock fans.) I'm with Peter Jackson in the opinion that he was the only choice for Bilbo. The slightly bumbling, big-hearted everyman who's yet do discover his real strength. It's Freeman's niche, but that didn't make it repetive or predictable. It was an absolutely gorgeous performance. I've still got goosebumps.
There's much to look forward to, with this series. Characters and relationships, conflicts, villains. It'll be a treat to see more of the Necromancer than a growling shadow and more of Smaug than a tail, an eye, or a nostril (Benedict Cumberbatch, in both cases). I'm a little worried, of course; will it feel anything but belaboured by the third movie? But I'm on my toes for next Christmas, nonetheless.
My Classics Club List
Official list, subject to change/grow (hey, you never know).
Start Date: 12/21/12 (Yes, intentionally. I'm being ironic.)
End Date: 12/21/17, I guess. We'll see. May introduce some sort of positive/negative reinforcement system on myself.
Okay, so, as I worked, this list went from fifty to fifty-four, which is, I guess, okay. Gives me some wiggle room. This is going to be a useful project, let me clear away some major goals. Hit everything I managed to skip in high school (a lot of Dickens, came into my love for his work a bit late). Work through a few books I've never liked, finish some books I've started (and loved) but never managed to finish. Sample some authors I've never actually sat down and read. Some of it, old favorites and stuff I know I'll love, is on here mostly as an indulgent treat for myself. To those ends, this is a pretty varied list, I'll try to mix it up. There are some books here I'm ashamed to admit I've never read, but one might as well be honest when one can, I guess.
Books (re-reads indicated with an *, partial reads with **):
High School Clearing-up:
1. Oliver Twist**, Charles Dickens
2. Great Expectations**, Charles Dickens
3. A Christmas Carol**, Charles Dickens
6. Walden and Civil Disobedience (mostly slept through those)*, Thoreau
13. Dracula, Bram Stoker
14. Le Morte d'Arthur**, Thomas Mallory
15. The Call of the Wild**, Jack London
"Indulgent Treats"
28. The Complete Sherlock Holmes**, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
29. A Tale of Two Cities*, Charles Dickens
30. The Picture of Dorian Grey, Oscar Wilde
34. The Silmarilion, J. R. R. Tolkein
35. Sanditon**, Jane Austen
36. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
37. Tender is the Night, F. Scott Fitzgerald
38. The Poems of John Keats, John Keats
39. Lust for Life**, Irving Stone
40. Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, James Joyce
41. Three Men on the Bummel, Jerome K. Jerome
Just Because/Possibly a Little Optomistic/Other
42. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
47. A Clockwork Orange, Anthony Burgess
48. Phantom of the Opera, Gaston Leroux
49. The Three Musketeers, Alexandre Dumas
50. Middlemarch, George Eliot
51. The Time Machine, H. G. Wells
52. Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand
53. The Agony and the Ecstasy, Irving Stone
54. Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
Start Date: 12/21/12 (Yes, intentionally. I'm being ironic.)
End Date: 12/21/17, I guess. We'll see. May introduce some sort of positive/negative reinforcement system on myself.
Okay, so, as I worked, this list went from fifty to fifty-four, which is, I guess, okay. Gives me some wiggle room. This is going to be a useful project, let me clear away some major goals. Hit everything I managed to skip in high school (a lot of Dickens, came into my love for his work a bit late). Work through a few books I've never liked, finish some books I've started (and loved) but never managed to finish. Sample some authors I've never actually sat down and read. Some of it, old favorites and stuff I know I'll love, is on here mostly as an indulgent treat for myself. To those ends, this is a pretty varied list, I'll try to mix it up. There are some books here I'm ashamed to admit I've never read, but one might as well be honest when one can, I guess.
Books (re-reads indicated with an *, partial reads with **):
High School Clearing-up:
1. Oliver Twist**, Charles Dickens
2. Great Expectations**, Charles Dickens
3. A Christmas Carol**, Charles Dickens
4. The Grapes of Wrath**, John Steinbeck
5. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Mark Twain6. Walden and Civil Disobedience (mostly slept through those)*, Thoreau
7. Macbeth, Shakespeare
8. Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad
Things I'd Maybe Ought to Have Read Already
9. Animal Farm, George Orwell
10. 1984, George Orwell
11. Farenheit 451**, Ray Bradbury
12The Lord of the Rings**, J. R. R. Tolkein13. Dracula, Bram Stoker
14. Le Morte d'Arthur**, Thomas Mallory
15. The Call of the Wild**, Jack London
16. Slaughterhouse 5, Kurt Vonnegut
17. Catch-22, Joseph Heller
18. Les Miserables, Victor Hugo
19. Around the World in Eighty Days, Jules Verne
20. Little Women**, Louisa May Alcott
21. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
22. Robinson Crusoe, Daniel Defoe
23. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
24. Don Quixote, Miguel de Cervantes
25. Red Badge of Courage, Stephen Crane
26: The Diary of a Young Girl, Anne Frank
27. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, L. Frank Baum
"Indulgent Treats"
28. The Complete Sherlock Holmes**, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
29. A Tale of Two Cities*, Charles Dickens
30. The Picture of Dorian Grey, Oscar Wilde
31. Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters AND Seymour: An Introduction, J. D. Salinger
32. Nine Stories, J. D. Salinger
33. Love's Labours Lost, Shakespeare34. The Silmarilion, J. R. R. Tolkein
35. Sanditon**, Jane Austen
36. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
37. Tender is the Night, F. Scott Fitzgerald
38. The Poems of John Keats, John Keats
39. Lust for Life**, Irving Stone
40. Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, James Joyce
41. Three Men on the Bummel, Jerome K. Jerome
Just Because/Possibly a Little Optomistic/Other
42. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
43. To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
44. A Room of One's Own, Virginia Woolf
45. Agnes Grey, Anne Bronte
46. Shirley, Charlotte Bronte47. A Clockwork Orange, Anthony Burgess
48. Phantom of the Opera, Gaston Leroux
49. The Three Musketeers, Alexandre Dumas
50. Middlemarch, George Eliot
51. The Time Machine, H. G. Wells
52. Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand
53. The Agony and the Ecstasy, Irving Stone
54. Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
The Classics Club
I've been meaning to do this for a while, never seem to have the time. But I'm leaving in three weeks, and I want to have it done by then.
For anybody who doesn't know, The Classics Club is, well, here's a handy little quote from their blog: "The Classics Club is a club created to inspire people to read and blog about classic books. There’s no time limit to join and you’re most welcome, as long as you’re willing to sign up to read and write on your blog about 50+ classic books in at most five years. The perk is that, not only will you have read 50+ incredible (or at the very least thought-provoking) works in five years, you’ll get to do it along with all of these people."
So, essentially, five years, fifty books, with reviews posted here, my personal blog. I think I can do that. Five years is a really freaking long time from now, and I have no idea at all where I'll be or what I'll be doing in five years, but I'm game for trying.
I'm mostly doing this to make sure I keep reading. Because the next nine months are going to be really busy for me, and it might be easy to let things like that, things that are so important to me, die away. I want to keep me, and the things I do in in my me time. I want to keep my eyes on the eventual college-bound, "High School English Teacher" goal. This'll be good for that.
Technically speaking, I should do about ten books this year. I might not have that kind of time. I'm gonna shoot for a minimum of three, and if I have to play catch-up when I finally come home (wherever home is by then), so be it. Que sera sera.
I like the idea of signing up to be a part of something bigger than just me (didn't mean for that to sound deep); it'll keep me accountable, to a degree. Make sure I ACTUALLY do this reading thing. That sounds nice. Better than just posting a reading list here all by my onesie and trying to keep up with it. My one hesitation, though, about joining the official Classics Club is that it's a community. Lots of bloggers talking to each other, sharing a love of the classics. This sounds awesome. However, I'm already not sure I'm even going to have time to keep up with my personal blogs, social networking, etc. I don't know how often I'll have access to the internet. Or a computer. It's all a little unpredictable. So, as much fun as featured posts and weekly group round-ups and read-a-thons sound, I really don't think I'll be able to be an active, participating member of this community. I feel really bad about that. But I think I'd rather go for it and try my best rather than not try at all. Hopefully my efforts will be met with understanding. Don't know how it'll go, but worth a shot, right?
Here's hoping! Official entry post/list to follow. :)
For anybody who doesn't know, The Classics Club is, well, here's a handy little quote from their blog: "The Classics Club is a club created to inspire people to read and blog about classic books. There’s no time limit to join and you’re most welcome, as long as you’re willing to sign up to read and write on your blog about 50+ classic books in at most five years. The perk is that, not only will you have read 50+ incredible (or at the very least thought-provoking) works in five years, you’ll get to do it along with all of these people."
So, essentially, five years, fifty books, with reviews posted here, my personal blog. I think I can do that. Five years is a really freaking long time from now, and I have no idea at all where I'll be or what I'll be doing in five years, but I'm game for trying.
I'm mostly doing this to make sure I keep reading. Because the next nine months are going to be really busy for me, and it might be easy to let things like that, things that are so important to me, die away. I want to keep me, and the things I do in in my me time. I want to keep my eyes on the eventual college-bound, "High School English Teacher" goal. This'll be good for that.
Technically speaking, I should do about ten books this year. I might not have that kind of time. I'm gonna shoot for a minimum of three, and if I have to play catch-up when I finally come home (wherever home is by then), so be it. Que sera sera.
I like the idea of signing up to be a part of something bigger than just me (didn't mean for that to sound deep); it'll keep me accountable, to a degree. Make sure I ACTUALLY do this reading thing. That sounds nice. Better than just posting a reading list here all by my onesie and trying to keep up with it. My one hesitation, though, about joining the official Classics Club is that it's a community. Lots of bloggers talking to each other, sharing a love of the classics. This sounds awesome. However, I'm already not sure I'm even going to have time to keep up with my personal blogs, social networking, etc. I don't know how often I'll have access to the internet. Or a computer. It's all a little unpredictable. So, as much fun as featured posts and weekly group round-ups and read-a-thons sound, I really don't think I'll be able to be an active, participating member of this community. I feel really bad about that. But I think I'd rather go for it and try my best rather than not try at all. Hopefully my efforts will be met with understanding. Don't know how it'll go, but worth a shot, right?
Here's hoping! Official entry post/list to follow. :)
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
On the Organizing of One's Internets
So, I've been using the internet for, rather a long time. Made a facebook in January, 2009; posted my first blog post here in April of the same. Long time. Joined inkpop around the same time, and when it transferred to Figment, so did I.
Towards the beginning, I didn't really have a plan. New blog idea? Make a new Google account. You want my real name? Sure, here you go. Who would want to go looking for me? What harm could it do? Lose your Twitter password again? Just make a new account! Didn't think my usernames through, didn't occur to me that I might not eventually love these book or television characters enough to want to be called by their names on the internet. And, never dreamt of the inconvenience going by a billion different names could cause when you want to connect with the same group of people across more than one website. Basically, I made a royal mess, with more email addresses, passwords, and usernames than anyone should need. Managed to keep up with it all for this long, but no longer.
Because, here lately, it's been driving me nuts. On top of Facebook and Blogger and Figment, there's the other writing website for fanfiction, the joys of Tumblr, and all the different uses for Twitter. Plus, Google accounts started linking up with Google+ accounts, which one doesn't really want more than one of, especially not in one's own name, largely because, like I've always said, I don't really want people I know reading this blog!
It was time for a change, and I knew it, but the final straw was when the email address I've been using since I was thirteen went defunct. That was when I HAD to do something. So I spent the better part of a day reading Google help articles, combing through Youtube histories, arguing with Google Drive over letting me have my files, getting into ancient accounts to change email addresses and usernames; and by the end of the day I'd deleted four various accounts and organized everything into two very neat ones.
Why two? Because I'm about to be a missionary. Missionaries, as a rule, need some kind of support; and nothing helps support along like emotionally compelling blogs and twitter feeds about, well, what I'm up to (bonus points if you're a fantastic photographer and post pictures of the grinning faces of children you've been ministering to). I know that sounds cynical, but it's just the truth. I need to be track-able, to a certain extent, by people in my real life, and I have to have a way keep them updated with what I'm doing. So, the real me now has an internet presence, woohoo.
However, I don't want everything to happen under that 'me.' I still want to keep my writing and my Tumblring, as well as this, my personal blog, separate from all of that! Thus, person number two was born. The screen name that's been slowly taking over that side of my internet usage, is the name that I'm posting under now: Zoie. It's the pen-name I use on every writing website, every just-for-fun website that I've got a profile on. So, from now on, it's the name I'm posting under here, as well.
Thanks for your patience as I've been trying to figure this all out, for your indulgence as I try to change this from a fourteen-year-old drama queen's rantings, to a proper, grown-up blog-about-things, and your tolerance as I try to figure out just what, exactly, I want to call myself.
Towards the beginning, I didn't really have a plan. New blog idea? Make a new Google account. You want my real name? Sure, here you go. Who would want to go looking for me? What harm could it do? Lose your Twitter password again? Just make a new account! Didn't think my usernames through, didn't occur to me that I might not eventually love these book or television characters enough to want to be called by their names on the internet. And, never dreamt of the inconvenience going by a billion different names could cause when you want to connect with the same group of people across more than one website. Basically, I made a royal mess, with more email addresses, passwords, and usernames than anyone should need. Managed to keep up with it all for this long, but no longer.
Because, here lately, it's been driving me nuts. On top of Facebook and Blogger and Figment, there's the other writing website for fanfiction, the joys of Tumblr, and all the different uses for Twitter. Plus, Google accounts started linking up with Google+ accounts, which one doesn't really want more than one of, especially not in one's own name, largely because, like I've always said, I don't really want people I know reading this blog!
It was time for a change, and I knew it, but the final straw was when the email address I've been using since I was thirteen went defunct. That was when I HAD to do something. So I spent the better part of a day reading Google help articles, combing through Youtube histories, arguing with Google Drive over letting me have my files, getting into ancient accounts to change email addresses and usernames; and by the end of the day I'd deleted four various accounts and organized everything into two very neat ones.
Why two? Because I'm about to be a missionary. Missionaries, as a rule, need some kind of support; and nothing helps support along like emotionally compelling blogs and twitter feeds about, well, what I'm up to (bonus points if you're a fantastic photographer and post pictures of the grinning faces of children you've been ministering to). I know that sounds cynical, but it's just the truth. I need to be track-able, to a certain extent, by people in my real life, and I have to have a way keep them updated with what I'm doing. So, the real me now has an internet presence, woohoo.
However, I don't want everything to happen under that 'me.' I still want to keep my writing and my Tumblring, as well as this, my personal blog, separate from all of that! Thus, person number two was born. The screen name that's been slowly taking over that side of my internet usage, is the name that I'm posting under now: Zoie. It's the pen-name I use on every writing website, every just-for-fun website that I've got a profile on. So, from now on, it's the name I'm posting under here, as well.
Thanks for your patience as I've been trying to figure this all out, for your indulgence as I try to change this from a fourteen-year-old drama queen's rantings, to a proper, grown-up blog-about-things, and your tolerance as I try to figure out just what, exactly, I want to call myself.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Public Service Announcement
So...NaNoWriMo starts in two hours.
*explodes*
For the record, I might not be blogging much over the course of the next thirty days. Then again, I might be blogging more than usual. Procrastination is a lovely thing.
Do feel free to join me, though. There should be a link to the home site on that > side of this post. Or, alternately, the young writer's program for young people. Also, follow @NaNoWriMo and @NaNoWordSprints, as well as the #NaNoWriMo hashtag on twitter for to-the-minute updates, and read the Office of Letters and Light (the nonprofit behind NaNo) blog for inspiration. Figment's got an official Figgie-Wrimo group; and the NaNoWriMo forums are endlessly helpful and supportive. Also, feel free to look me up on either website, Figment or NaNoWriMo, username Zoie Gale. If the thought of participating in this psychotic thirty-day mad-dash for 50k has even crossed your mind, do it. No, seriously, do it. You'll be glad you did. I've never once regretted it. If it's nothing else, it's a whole lot of fun, and it's not too late to sign up. :)
Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm gonna go snag a couple hours sleep before locking myself in the bathroom and converting the bathtub into a writing haven.
*explodes*
For the record, I might not be blogging much over the course of the next thirty days. Then again, I might be blogging more than usual. Procrastination is a lovely thing.
Do feel free to join me, though. There should be a link to the home site on that > side of this post. Or, alternately, the young writer's program for young people. Also, follow @NaNoWriMo and @NaNoWordSprints, as well as the #NaNoWriMo hashtag on twitter for to-the-minute updates, and read the Office of Letters and Light (the nonprofit behind NaNo) blog for inspiration. Figment's got an official Figgie-Wrimo group; and the NaNoWriMo forums are endlessly helpful and supportive. Also, feel free to look me up on either website, Figment or NaNoWriMo, username Zoie Gale. If the thought of participating in this psychotic thirty-day mad-dash for 50k has even crossed your mind, do it. No, seriously, do it. You'll be glad you did. I've never once regretted it. If it's nothing else, it's a whole lot of fun, and it's not too late to sign up. :)
Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm gonna go snag a couple hours sleep before locking myself in the bathroom and converting the bathtub into a writing haven.
Hallowe'en
I stepped out my door about five minutes ago, after about two day straight of hiding from Sandy, and realized that the seasons had changed while I'd been inside. Leaves were whipping across the street in a chilly breeze. It's.....fall! One does have to be careful about blinking, doesn't one?
And it's not only Fall, It's Halloween. So this is what started running through my brain:
And it's not only Fall, It's Halloween. So this is what started running through my brain:
~ HALLOWEEN ~
By Harry Behn
Tonight is the night
When dead leaves fly
Like witches on switches
Across the sky,
When elf and sprite
Flit through the night
On a moony sheen.
Tonight is the night
When leaves make a sound
Like a gnome in his home
Under the ground,
When spooks and trolls
Creep out of holes
Mossy and green.
Tonight is the night
When pumpkins stare
Through sheaves and leaves
Everywhere,
When ghouls and ghost
And goblin host
Dance round their queen.
It's Halloween.
Memorized that one ages ago, but had forgotten most of it. I had to look it up, and I'd completely forgotten the poet's name.Also, the subject of ghouls and ghost and goblin host, go and download Neil Gaiman's super-creepy (and also free) audiobook 'Click-Clack the Rattlebag' before it's too late. Today's your last day. It's magnificent.There'll probably be a post following this one later, another Halloween post, about the adventure of taking Riley trick-or-treating and hunting for Whovians in our sleepy little neighborhood, but, for the moment, Happy Halloween!
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
There and Back Again
So that Texas thing I was talking about? Totally happening. The urban mission where I applied to be a semester missionary liked the look of my application and accepted me, I'll be headed out first part of January.
First thought: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Second thought: I've got so much to do. This isn't a two-week missions trip with Global Expeditions. This is a nine-month commitment, and it takes a lot more effort. There's plane tickets to worry about, I've got to figure out the sweet spot of what clothes and stuff to take with me and what to buy there for optimum budget-friendly-ness, there's the question of piecing together my wardrobe (which is currently mostly in boxes in my grandmother's garage an hour away). And I have to have my plane ticket, to know what airline I'm flying with, to know the baggage allowances, to know how much I can take with me. Ugh.
There's the question of living arrangements. My room and board are covered, mostly, but I've got no idea where I'll be staying (and then there's the question of roommates and host families that very much affects what kind of stuff I'll need).
I'm also working to pull together a cook-book for myself of all those home-recipes I don't want to be without. Andrew and Daddy have agreed to record some guitar-ey stuff for me to put on my iPod to take with me.
I also have this sort of half-formed plan of organizing and streamlining my internet stuff for maximum convenience. The one thing I know about the time I'll spend there is that I'm going to be, well, rather busy. But I'd still like to keep up this, my personal blog, fairly faithfully; as well as start another (similar to the one I kept before/during/after my missions trip summer before last) for missions-specific stuff that's family/friends/real-life friendly, and maybe some kind of twitter-feed-ticker for both of them for updating on the go. This might take doing.
The one thing I have to keep hanging onto, even when plan and specifics threaten to take over my brain, is that this is God's will for my life right now. I need to remember to rest in that. Because it's a feeling I never, ever want to lose. Being in the center of God's will. It's nice.
Also, hope everybody's warm and dry and safely out of the angry clutches of Sandy McFrankenstorm. I know we had a bit of downed-power-line excitement last night. I also know that that's nothing compared to a lot of other places. My prayers are with everybody who lost family, friend, livelihood, home, or so on.
First thought: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Second thought: I've got so much to do. This isn't a two-week missions trip with Global Expeditions. This is a nine-month commitment, and it takes a lot more effort. There's plane tickets to worry about, I've got to figure out the sweet spot of what clothes and stuff to take with me and what to buy there for optimum budget-friendly-ness, there's the question of piecing together my wardrobe (which is currently mostly in boxes in my grandmother's garage an hour away). And I have to have my plane ticket, to know what airline I'm flying with, to know the baggage allowances, to know how much I can take with me. Ugh.
There's the question of living arrangements. My room and board are covered, mostly, but I've got no idea where I'll be staying (and then there's the question of roommates and host families that very much affects what kind of stuff I'll need).
I'm also working to pull together a cook-book for myself of all those home-recipes I don't want to be without. Andrew and Daddy have agreed to record some guitar-ey stuff for me to put on my iPod to take with me.
I also have this sort of half-formed plan of organizing and streamlining my internet stuff for maximum convenience. The one thing I know about the time I'll spend there is that I'm going to be, well, rather busy. But I'd still like to keep up this, my personal blog, fairly faithfully; as well as start another (similar to the one I kept before/during/after my missions trip summer before last) for missions-specific stuff that's family/friends/real-life friendly, and maybe some kind of twitter-feed-ticker for both of them for updating on the go. This might take doing.
The one thing I have to keep hanging onto, even when plan and specifics threaten to take over my brain, is that this is God's will for my life right now. I need to remember to rest in that. Because it's a feeling I never, ever want to lose. Being in the center of God's will. It's nice.
Also, hope everybody's warm and dry and safely out of the angry clutches of Sandy McFrankenstorm. I know we had a bit of downed-power-line excitement last night. I also know that that's nothing compared to a lot of other places. My prayers are with everybody who lost family, friend, livelihood, home, or so on.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Lust for Life
(Post title being a reference to the biographical novel, bearing the same title, of the life of Vincent van Gogh, written by Irving Stone)
I've been thinking about Vincent van Gogh. And about sunflowers. About how he's the reason that I love sunflowers. Because they make me think of the person I'd like to be. I'd like to be the sort of person who would've stood by him. I'd like to think I would've stood by him. Because he was spectacular, even though he was different and difficult and tragic. He deserved to have somebody stand by him, just one person to take his hand when the rest of the world turned their backs on him, to make his life better and brighter when it was dark, to give him hope and strength and quiet the demons in his head. And that's the person I'd like to be. I'd like to love the different and the difficult, and to be able to see the spectacular in the different and the difficult.
I've been thinking of Vincent van Gogh. You know he started out his life wanting to be a missionary? His whole heart wanted to serve God and help people, and he was so willing to give up what he was born for to do it. He wound up in a mining town, trying to preach hope and redemption to people who had literally no way out, and he made himself sick trying to help them, gave them everything he had, down to the shirt on his back, to try and make their lives better. And he just saw too much of pain and hurt to go on believing in a good God. And then these people, the mission board, decided that he wasn't good enough to do what he was doing, and that was enough to make him snap, to turn his back on God. I've wondered why God would let that happen to someone who loved Him and only wanted to serve Him, but then I kind of realized: it took snapping and turning away from God for him to make a selfish decision. Without that, he never would've chosen to do what made him happy for the rest of his life. Cause he didn't paint for anyone else, not a soul ever told him that was he was doing was good, was worth it. He did it because he loved it. And think of what the world gained because of it? Maybe God let him go, pushed him away, to let him do what he was born to do, and to give the world a gift. Maybe what we think of as the selfish decision, can sometimes be the most beautiful thing of all.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
New Beginnings
Maybe a bit of explanation is in order. Maybe I should stop quibbling and come out with the honest truth. Our landlords evicted us from our lovely little house, stating "a new business venture" as their only reason. With an utter lack of other options, we moved in with my father's parents. This has been a mixed bag of good and bad things.
Pull in the driveway. Conspicuous. Surprised face in the parking lot. I know the thought process. Are they lost? No, they're coming here. Wonder how many? Will they come back? Quick, smile. Shake hands.
Where should we park? Is this okay? Shuffle through the door. Smile. Shake hands. Forget their names as quickly as they forget mine.
"I'll never remember them all. I might ask again."
Table of donuts. Juice and coffee. Awkward laugh at an awkward joke. Oh, look, the praise band. Skinny jeans. Boots and scarf. Jacket's too tight. Beard and button up, hipster Jesus. Fitted t-shirt, worship leader. Smile. Shake hands.
Find a pew. Did we steal someone else's? No, no dirty looks. Stand and sing. Don't know the tunes, easy enough to guess. They're clapping. Can I clap? Do I have the right? Clap and sing a song I don't know. Keep on beat. Words. Worship words. I want to worship. My feet want to move. My hands want to rise. Can I worship? Do I have the right?
Familiar words touch old hurts. Not ready for this yet. Still sore. Sing. Worship. Don't think too hard. Don't cry. Not a good time to cry.
"And then we'll have a time of meet and greet."
Sinking feeling. Shake hands. Forget names. Smile. People are the same everywhere.
Communion. Will they let us take? Should we take? Okay, pass the plate, don't spill. Wait? Don't wait? Don't wait.
Offering. Wish I could give something. Wish I weren't broke. Wish somebody wasn't broke.
"And the conclusion of our series on David..."
My luck. Just my luck. Last of a series. This always happens to me. Psalm 23. I can do Psalm 23. Oh, it's the sheep sermon. And he has a lisp. They all have a lisp. Little church laugh at sermon jokes. Take notes. Smile.
Closing song. Shake hands. Smile.
"Hope we see you again."
Maybe.
And all the while, my eyes like magnets to the plaque in the corner.
~~~
Because my father's parents' home is an hour away from our previous home and our home church, we had to take our leave of the church that's been more than a home and more than a family to me for the last four years.
They gave us a reception after church a week ago today, featuring a laying-on-of-hands, a tie-dyed cake, and a lot of tearful goodbyes. I never realized people I'd known for so short a time could mean so much to me. I never realized it would be like pulling out a part of myself to say goodbye. I never realized the impact they'd had on me, or I on them, or how important it is to say everything you need to say. I feel like there are some things I left unsaid. But Brandon hugged me goodbye and Stephen would've if I'd let him. Corinne cried and made me cry; and Joy stood next to me the whole entire time talking about almost nothing, pretending her husband wasn't itching to leave. And then I cried myself into a piercing headache on the way home and slept for most of the afternoon and that was a week ago today.
This morning I got up and dressed like a person and we all piled into the car and drove to a brick building five minutes down the road. It's a new church, a church plant, meeting in a very old, pews-and-vaulted-ceilings building. I know what that feels like.
As wrong as it might be, I'm tired. I didn't want to go. But I did.
~~~
Pull in the driveway. Conspicuous. Surprised face in the parking lot. I know the thought process. Are they lost? No, they're coming here. Wonder how many? Will they come back? Quick, smile. Shake hands.
Where should we park? Is this okay? Shuffle through the door. Smile. Shake hands. Forget their names as quickly as they forget mine.
"I'll never remember them all. I might ask again."
Table of donuts. Juice and coffee. Awkward laugh at an awkward joke. Oh, look, the praise band. Skinny jeans. Boots and scarf. Jacket's too tight. Beard and button up, hipster Jesus. Fitted t-shirt, worship leader. Smile. Shake hands.
Find a pew. Did we steal someone else's? No, no dirty looks. Stand and sing. Don't know the tunes, easy enough to guess. They're clapping. Can I clap? Do I have the right? Clap and sing a song I don't know. Keep on beat. Words. Worship words. I want to worship. My feet want to move. My hands want to rise. Can I worship? Do I have the right?
Familiar words touch old hurts. Not ready for this yet. Still sore. Sing. Worship. Don't think too hard. Don't cry. Not a good time to cry.
"And then we'll have a time of meet and greet."
Sinking feeling. Shake hands. Forget names. Smile. People are the same everywhere.
Communion. Will they let us take? Should we take? Okay, pass the plate, don't spill. Wait? Don't wait? Don't wait.
Offering. Wish I could give something. Wish I weren't broke. Wish somebody wasn't broke.
"And the conclusion of our series on David..."
My luck. Just my luck. Last of a series. This always happens to me. Psalm 23. I can do Psalm 23. Oh, it's the sheep sermon. And he has a lisp. They all have a lisp. Little church laugh at sermon jokes. Take notes. Smile.
Closing song. Shake hands. Smile.
"Hope we see you again."
Maybe.
And all the while, my eyes like magnets to the plaque in the corner.
El-Roi. The God Who Sees Me.
Hagar's name for God. My name for God.
My God.
My God is the same here as He has been everywhere else I've ever been.
My God is here.
My God sees me.
My God.
Don't think too hard. Don't cry. Not a good time to cry.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Stuff and Things
Hi, all. Rather than having bunches of posts about various things I've watched, seen, read, or listened to, I'm gonna try and clear it all away in one post. Will try to keep it from being too terribly long. Here goes.
~~Harry Potter. Finally watched ALL the movies. Yes, I know, I'm severely behind the times. Not sure what I have to say about them, beyond that I enjoyed every single second of it. And that Snape might be the single most heart-wrenching, provocative character ever. Period. And express my general what-the-heck-ness about that whole Ron-and-Hermione thing. I can't be the only one, can I? Maybe this just shows my ignorance, and maybe I should shut up and read the books before I make judgments (and, really, I'm meaning to. You know, whenever I have a spare MONTH just lying around); but I would've rather seen Harry and Hermione.
~~Doctor Who. As in, is back. Season seven. *explodes*
For the sake of sparing you spoilers in case you haven't seen it, I won't go into particulars (except that, when it comes to Angels Take Manhattan, have a couple hundred boxes of tissues at the ready). Actually, this might have to be a post of its own. Merp. :/
~~Sherlock. In case you didn't know, season two has been added to the Netflix streaming library (so no more waiting around at the bottom of waiting lists for the dvds to be free). Very convenient for any American fans out there who have not already used proxies or piracy to watch it online. Anybody who was patient enough to wait ten months. Person I am describing, if you actually exist, I salute you.
~~Ophelia. Young adult novel by Lisa Klein. Can be found here (Amazon). It's a retelling of the story of Hamlet, from, predictably, Ophelia's point of view. I love some of the grey areas it clears up, for all that it took quite a few drastic liberties; and Ophelia is a much more sympathetic character in this version, which is nice. Plus, it's got an utterly gorgeous ending, visually and story-wise, that was absolutely worth reading the entire novel. Again, spoilers. Read the book.
~~Hugo. As in, finally watched. Picked it up at the library (Oh my. A library system that has dvds. O brave new world!). Gorgeous plot, gorgeous casting, gorgeous score, great cinematography. I'm utterly in love. And it's steampunk! Why wasn't I told that it was steampunk?
~~Jeeves and Wooster. The Granada, Hugh-Laurie-and-Stephen-Fry version. Also a library find. You know how sometimes, you read a book and you've got these pictures of the characters in your head, and then you watch the movie and they just get it completely wrong? Well, this isn't one of those times. Hugh Laurie IS Bertie Wooster (which is kind of crazy when you think of him as House. Could you get a more polar opposite?). And Hugh Laurie, then 31, reminds me decidedly of another tall, skinny, blue-eyed British 30-something. Wildly ironic, because he played this person's dad on another tv series, Fortysomething. Funny how things work out.
~~The Graveyard Book. Neil Gaiman. Yes, I know, again, behind the times. But I can't not mention it, because I absolutely loved it. You know how sometimes a book becomes a part of the way you think? This one's going to stick with me for a while. Favorite quotes:
“Bod said, 'I want to see life. I want to hold it in my hands. I want to leave a footprint on the sand of a desert island. I want to play football with people. I want,' he said, and then he paused and he thought. 'I want everything.”
And:
“He would go somewhere no one knew him, and he would sit in a library all day and read books and listen to people breathing.”
I feel like that sometimes. I don't want to deal with people, I just want to go e near people and feel like a person.
~~Once Upon a Time. The ABC series. Only mildly entertaining, yet strangely addictive. Curse you, mediocre television, for worming inside my head and not letting me go. Stuck watching season 1 on Netflix because we're not caught up enough to watch season 2 on live tv. *shakes fists*
~~Babel. As in, the new Mumford & Sons cd. I've read mixed reviews on it, seen it accused of being disingenuous, and I'll concede that they've found something that works and stuck to it with their second album, and that the album version of Below My Feet is nowhere near as good as the version that leaked a few months ago; but their music is every bit as good, and the emotions feel every bit as true, in Babel as they did in Sigh No More. The massive sales numbers alone tell you that this band's still got it. But don't let me decide for you, check out my youtube playlist of the cd. For Those Below and Reminder being my favorite songs, with Babel and I Will Wait tied for second.
And, last but not least...
~~Elementary. First off, let me just say...
~~Harry Potter. Finally watched ALL the movies. Yes, I know, I'm severely behind the times. Not sure what I have to say about them, beyond that I enjoyed every single second of it. And that Snape might be the single most heart-wrenching, provocative character ever. Period. And express my general what-the-heck-ness about that whole Ron-and-Hermione thing. I can't be the only one, can I? Maybe this just shows my ignorance, and maybe I should shut up and read the books before I make judgments (and, really, I'm meaning to. You know, whenever I have a spare MONTH just lying around); but I would've rather seen Harry and Hermione.
~~Doctor Who. As in, is back. Season seven. *explodes*
For the sake of sparing you spoilers in case you haven't seen it, I won't go into particulars (except that, when it comes to Angels Take Manhattan, have a couple hundred boxes of tissues at the ready). Actually, this might have to be a post of its own. Merp. :/
~~Sherlock. In case you didn't know, season two has been added to the Netflix streaming library (so no more waiting around at the bottom of waiting lists for the dvds to be free). Very convenient for any American fans out there who have not already used proxies or piracy to watch it online. Anybody who was patient enough to wait ten months. Person I am describing, if you actually exist, I salute you.
~~Ophelia. Young adult novel by Lisa Klein. Can be found here (Amazon). It's a retelling of the story of Hamlet, from, predictably, Ophelia's point of view. I love some of the grey areas it clears up, for all that it took quite a few drastic liberties; and Ophelia is a much more sympathetic character in this version, which is nice. Plus, it's got an utterly gorgeous ending, visually and story-wise, that was absolutely worth reading the entire novel. Again, spoilers. Read the book.
~~Hugo. As in, finally watched. Picked it up at the library (Oh my. A library system that has dvds. O brave new world!). Gorgeous plot, gorgeous casting, gorgeous score, great cinematography. I'm utterly in love. And it's steampunk! Why wasn't I told that it was steampunk?
~~Jeeves and Wooster. The Granada, Hugh-Laurie-and-Stephen-Fry version. Also a library find. You know how sometimes, you read a book and you've got these pictures of the characters in your head, and then you watch the movie and they just get it completely wrong? Well, this isn't one of those times. Hugh Laurie IS Bertie Wooster (which is kind of crazy when you think of him as House. Could you get a more polar opposite?). And Hugh Laurie, then 31, reminds me decidedly of another tall, skinny, blue-eyed British 30-something. Wildly ironic, because he played this person's dad on another tv series, Fortysomething. Funny how things work out.
~~The Graveyard Book. Neil Gaiman. Yes, I know, again, behind the times. But I can't not mention it, because I absolutely loved it. You know how sometimes a book becomes a part of the way you think? This one's going to stick with me for a while. Favorite quotes:
“Bod said, 'I want to see life. I want to hold it in my hands. I want to leave a footprint on the sand of a desert island. I want to play football with people. I want,' he said, and then he paused and he thought. 'I want everything.”
And:
“He would go somewhere no one knew him, and he would sit in a library all day and read books and listen to people breathing.”
I feel like that sometimes. I don't want to deal with people, I just want to go e near people and feel like a person.
~~Once Upon a Time. The ABC series. Only mildly entertaining, yet strangely addictive. Curse you, mediocre television, for worming inside my head and not letting me go. Stuck watching season 1 on Netflix because we're not caught up enough to watch season 2 on live tv. *shakes fists*
~~Babel. As in, the new Mumford & Sons cd. I've read mixed reviews on it, seen it accused of being disingenuous, and I'll concede that they've found something that works and stuck to it with their second album, and that the album version of Below My Feet is nowhere near as good as the version that leaked a few months ago; but their music is every bit as good, and the emotions feel every bit as true, in Babel as they did in Sigh No More. The massive sales numbers alone tell you that this band's still got it. But don't let me decide for you, check out my youtube playlist of the cd. For Those Below and Reminder being my favorite songs, with Babel and I Will Wait tied for second.
And, last but not least...
~~Elementary. First off, let me just say...
I am ashamed.
I just knew I should've waited until I saw it to say anything about it. I should've guessed I'd wind up eating humble pie. Johnny Lee Miller brings this sort of manic, puppy-dog, I-need-you-to-like-me energy to the title character, to the point that he's almost unrecognizable (and definitely nothing at all like Cumberbatch's version). I don't love the Watson (not because of gender or race, but because of some other things they changed). But I do like the show. It will, at the very least, tide me over until Sherlock comes back. But, un-canon as it (unarguably) is, I really...rather...like it. It's...cute. Incredibly cute. Come on, that last scene? Watson's a Mets fan? And the Elvis Costello, Watching-The-Detectives outro? Utterly adorable. And funny. Sherlock (the tv show), for all that it's worlds better, is almost never funny. As much as it pains me to say it, I was wrong. And I'm quite looking forward to episode two. :)
Aaaand, I think that's it. Forgive the mile-long post!
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