So there's a reason I don't post links to my blog on my facebook. There's a reason I don't advertise the fact that I blog. There's a reason I'm okay with not knowing any of the people that follow my blog. Except for Joy and Reese, and my Dad, and that one guy from my youth group.
It's a very good reason too. Sometimes I forget how good. But on nights like last night, I can't help but remember.

Sponsoring a Compassion International child shouldn't cause drama, but it does. It's my job to collect the money, and I find myself getting walked all over by people who think they can do it better than I can. I didn't want the job in the first place, I took it because no one else would. And now I really. Really. Want out.

An ego the size of Texas a leader does not make. Throwing out hints to the teacher's questions during youth group 'cause you're too good to answer them yourself does not a leader make. A friend. A mentor. A good example. Loving the kids younger than yourself. Making yourself available and accessible to them. Giving them a leg up in their walk with Christ, showing them your walk with Christ, giving good advice. That makes a leader. And brother? (Yeah, I know he won't read this, but I'm saying it anyway). The young men, the boys in our youth group NEED!!! that. Not whatever it is you think you're doing.

Some Wednesdays, I come home from church so tired. So very, very tired.

chemistry

It's crazy! How often my chemistry curriculum winds up sounding terribly romantic.
Take today for instance, "On the other hand, when strong bonds are formed, a lot of energy is released."
It's been like that throughout the entire course, usually when talking about chemical bonds.
And there's so much beauty in a Lewis structure, in looking at exactly how one element binds to another.
How can anyone look at the world around us, how can a high schooler taking chemistry, let alone a real scientist, say there is no God?
When there is order and beauty and romance to be found in this world, on an atomic level?
I'm just saying......

So last night, I got to go see Joy at her school. What? I hadn't covered that yet? Oops. So, yeah, my bestie is a college freshman. I would have already lost my mind without her here at home if it weren't for facebook, and the fact that her college is about forty-five minutes away.
Joy wanted me to hear the praise band, so last night, Reese (with Joy's older brother in tow) picked me up and took me to the school for "unchapel." Though, I'm still not sure what the difference is between unchapel and chapel.
There was the torrential downpour on the way there. Like, seriously, couldn't see the lines on the road, couldn't see the car in front of us, ugh. I thought we were gonna die. But, we survived. And then we got really . . . really . . . really . . . REALLY!!!!! wet. Attempting to get from the car to Joy's dorm room to meet up with her and her fiance (Wait, I didn't cover that either? Stupid life making it hard to blog. Yeah, they're engaged. Eeep!! :) And btw, guess who's the maid of honor . . .).We had umbrellas, but they don't really help when the rain is coming sideways and the puddles are three feet deep. And then we had to make it from the dorm to the auditorium. We gave up on the umbrellas and embraced the fact that . . . we were just going to have to be wet. Laughed at the guys and their insanity. Us girls walked super-slow to sneak in some catching-up time. It was great.
But anyway, I got to hear the praise band, and the speaker. It was an awesome time of worship. And of all the reasons I miss my best friend, I hadn't realized that one of them was that I miss worshiping with her! And being incredibly irreverent during the most serious of speakers. Don't get me wrong, we listen for sure, but there are always moments when they'll say something, that only me and Joy would find hysterically funny, and we're just gone.
Got to see her dorm room too, which was fun; and meet the roommate for all of twenty seconds, which was awkward; and hang out with Joy, Reese, Joy's brother, and Joy's fiance, all at the same time, which is always uproariously hilarious.
And there was the whole God-thing. Seems like these days, no matter what I'm doing, there's a percentage of my brain that just going, "Okay, God. What's next. High school is almost over, where are You taking me?" Last night, that percentage was pretty high.
The heavens didn't part (unless you count the scary lightening), God didn't strike me blind and give me a new name, I didn't have a vision or an out-of-body experience. But I did walk away, a little chastised, and with this one thought, that I might as well share with you:
Nothing is impossible for God. No, really, Luke 1:37 "For nothing is impossible with God."
What have you been been telling God is impossible? What problem has been too big to conquer? What hope have you shied away from, scared of getting hurt? What dream has been to scary to admit, even to yourself. I know mine! Maybe we even do it without thinking about it, just subconsciously adopting an attitude that God can do anything . . . except this one thing. So here's the challenge: surrender it to Him, and see what He does with it.

And then there's today. Kill myself attempting to get caught up in Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, apply for more college scholarships, look at more college websites, Chemistry, double on Spanish for skipping yesterday, attempt to finish choreographing the preschooler's dance (Jimmy Needham, Just a Heartbeat) that I was supposed to start having practices for two weeks ago, pick a version of Do You Hear What I Hear for the Christmas Eve service (yes, it's early, but these things tend to get away from me), and attempt to find time to watch Howl's Moving Castle.
But the weather is really, really, really gorgeous, so it's all gonna be okay.
Have a great day, everybody!!
~Ella





Oh yeah. One more thought. Turbbit.












See? Turbbit.

...It Begins

"It" being senior year. Yeah.
Other than it being a huge deal, it's really . . . nothing. British Lit=piece of cake. Really, really, really yummy cake. Spanish=switching languages mid-high school career probably isn't smart, but it makes more sense than the French I was never going to use. And, switching from French to Spanish isn't that bad, switch a few pronunciations and gender-specific nouns and you're good to go. Geometry=*yawn*. End of story. And if physics is as fun this year as chemistry was last year, then no biggie.
So the actual actions of senior year aren't a big deal.
What is is the general idea of it. Ella, high school senior. Something about that . . . insanity!! And it might help if I had the FIRST idea, WHATSOEVER what happens after graduation. Mleh.
And then there's the whole thing of spending every day with my head in books again. Miss math one day, double up the next. Try to have English done before the kids are ready for lunch in front of the television (. . . Dick Van Dyke show this week . . . ugh.) Try to get my head around algebra problems. The same algebra problems as four months ago, coincidentally. I didn't quite finish my text book last year, so I'm stuck doing them. Again. Now. I'm starting to wonder if this is how Frodo felt when he came back to the Shire. "It doesn't matter that you been on adventures and saved the world and met elves and dwarves and men and wizards. Live in your house. Eat cheese, and smoked meats. Go down to the pub. Eat chips, watch telly." Whoops. Sorry. Slipped into Doctor Who there a bit. But anyway. I went halfway across the country this summer. I got a taste of how I want to live. I met a ministry that is . . . incredible. That I'm called to. I ministered to little Spanish-speaking children in apartment complexes in Texas. I met some of the . . . most incredible people on the planet. I co-directed a county-wide dance camp, twenty-five students, four teachers, five days. I lead Bible studies about God's love with two different age groups . . . and learned more than I taught. I got up at six o'clock every morning with Corinne (who stayed with us through the camp) to study God's word together. Girls (and their parents) from other churches who are fighting to get dance groups established were encouraged and equipped. And the Friday night presentation? Was beyond amazing. Exhilarating. The girls did awesome, I was sooo proud of them. All of the presentations came together beautifully, and you could really see how much they had learned over the course of the week. And, me and Joy's "secret side-goal" happened too. See, where we live, racial unity really isn't something that happens a lot. I'm trying to be delicate, please don't misunderstand me or be offended. As for myself personally, I think racial prejudice is disgusting. Vomitous. But it exists, on both sides, where I come from. And that week? Girls of all colors came together on even ground, and had a great time together. And their parents all came out Friday night to see what they had learned. Our sanctuary was full, and multicultural. It was beautiful. And it confirms my long-held belief, that the way to fix the problems of this world is to look to, to prevent them in, the next generation. Get the kids, and the adults will follow.
I've watched God do truly amazing things this summer.
And now I'm sitting on my couch. Reading Beowulf. Doing Algebra. I concede with my intellect that these things are important. But that doesn't mean I'm not overwhelmingly bored.
God's working on me, though. This morning, he really convicted me. That this year, this time, is where He has called me NOW. Only He knows what He has for the future, but it's my job to live for Him here and now. Which means doing algebra, physics, and youth group on Wednesdays, cheerfully as though for the Lord.
Dear readers, wish me luck.
~Ella